In October 2021, we had a dangerous miscarriage – a complete molar pregnancy. This is when the mother’s chromosomes are missing from the egg and the cells that would normally develop into the placenta develop into a molar growth instead. This can lead to tumors, cysts, a rare form of cancer, and necessitate a hysterectomy. Crystal was hospitalized and there was a risk that the removal of the molar growth might cause lasting harm. This is the reason that we waited until we were certain this pregnancy was healthy before sharing it. We had raw emotions around the miscarriage – sorrow, fear, doubt – that were difficult to process and share.

As we approached Caleb’s due date, Charlotte and Catherine began to act out in uncharacteristic ways. They had the normal excitement and anxiety that accompanies the arrival of a new sibling, but, also, the memory of the miscarriage was hanging over them as well. They remembered their mom being hospitalized and the excitement of that pregnancy turning to fear and alarm. There have been many more arguments, bursts of tears, late night visits to the parents, and early morning wake-ups. Actually, it was during a late night visit that Charlotte learned we had gone to the clinic; I had just put the girls to bed when Crystal’s water broke and our friend Clivia came to watch them, so Charlotte went upstairs to see Clivia there instead of us.

Charlotte and Catherine began to come back to themselves after they visited with Crystal and Caleb at the clinic. Especially after we arrived home on Saturday morning, after two days at the clinic, but they are continuing to adapt to the new paradigm shift of living with a newborn.

Charlotte was three years old when Catherine was born. So she has some memories but not many. She’s noted her experience by asking “How can I be a big sister again? I’m already a big sister.” But then complained that newborn Caleb is crying loudly or that his diapers smell bad. We just smile and assure that newborn crying and diapers are very mild compared to what’s to come. She has tried to be helpful – volunteering to take on new chores to help – but has also been abnormally volatile and started fights with her little sister. She’s slowly coming back to normal. She is very good at sitting and just being present rocking the baby. One night, after fighting with her sister during bedtime, she went upstairs to process with Mom and sat holding the baby while chatting for an hour. It was very sweet.

Catherine has been extremely excited to welcome Caleb but she holds that energy in her body and puts too much enthusiasm into every physical action. She wants to engage with him – bringing him toys and trying to touch him – but he’s too young for the first and she’s too rough for the second. She has held him a couple of times but prefers not, uncertain how to hold someone so little and fragile. The highlight was her helping to bath Caleb after her shower and helping him get dressed afterwards, commenting on how little his feet are and comparing them to hers.

Since we came home, the girls have slowly been adjusting to the new normal and getting back to themselves day by day. They both asked us to have a third sibling and are genuinely excited for him, so it’s a fun time in the family as things settle.